tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
