Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"