i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?