trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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