update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.