So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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