I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
