BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How does one acquire holy water?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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