nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
