Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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