i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
