I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
