Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
