I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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