so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
