A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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