3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
