Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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