kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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