There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize