His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize