i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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