Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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