I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
