i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
