what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
