Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
