Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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