Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
