Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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