filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
