Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
