dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
