I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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