He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
