Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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