I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud