I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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