I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
