I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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