I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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