those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
