I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
