cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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