I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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