I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize