you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
