it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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