the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
