porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
