Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
