Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
