when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
