Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
