when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
