I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
