Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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