you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need moral support for this bender
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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