Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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