My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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