I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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